Ah, whims... Definitely, the favorite pastime of children! You are at the supermarket, your child wants a toy or candy. You say no, and that's the drama! Crying and screaming ensue. Sometimes even a big tantrum, acrobatics and rolls of all kinds. Don't worry. This is perfectly normal. Very few children do not have tantrums, very few. In this type of situation, parents sometimes find themselves at the end of their rope and often end up giving in so as not to make baby sad or so that the situation calms down. This is a very bad idea. The more you give in, the more your child will escalate in terms of tantrums! To prevent this from happening, Kidlee shares with you some tips and tricks that will certainly help you manage your child's tantrums while avoiding any frustration.
Why does he have a temper?
As they grow up, children understand that they are less and less the center of attention. To attract the attention of those around him, he tries all the means at his disposal. And the whims, represent obviously its ultimate asset! In the child, caprice is also a means of self-expression, to evolve and assert itself. He's tempted and feels an instinctive need to discover and experiment. When you cut a child off, it's perfectly normal for him to retaliate, because it's a way for him to assert himself. If you resist at the first whim, he'll try again, but without insisting too much, because he'll understand that it's a waste of time.
In order to manage your child's tantrums and support him during this period of evolution, it is also essential to identify the source of his frustration in order to find the best way to remedy it.
However, if the tantrums are incessant and the outbursts aggressive, it would be wiser to seek the advice of a specialist. This is to find out the real source of the problem and to provide your child with the best possible relief.
Preventing your child's tantrums to better manage them
There are obviously classic situations during which all children have tantrums. TV or games before bedtime, trips to the supermarket or the park ... In these situations, it is essential to anticipate the tantrums by preparing the ground and putting the rules in place with firmness. For example, we warn the child that he/she has 5 minutes left to play or watch TV before going to sleep without grumbling. At the park, we emphasize that he will have the right to go on one ride and no more. At the store, we warn him that we are there to shop and not to buy him toys or candy. This way, you'll have warned your child and he'll know the outcome if he does what he wants!
Avoid getting angry or raising your voice
When a child has a temper tantrum, it is important not to get angry or upset with the child. And this, even if the child is exaggerating. If this happens, the child will only remember your reaction and the tone you used. This will make the child feel like a victim of your anger and will only make him/her more frustrated.
To best handle tantrums, it is necessary to keep your cool. Especially, if the tantrum happens in public. You can, in this situation, apologize to passers-by if your child's tantrum is important. This will show your child that what he or she is doing is wrong and that it has an impact on people. It will also show him that he does not have to use the audience to try to get what he wants.
Then be very firm with the child, explaining that he or she will not get what he or she wants because it was not on the agenda. Or that this is not the time. You can then move on to something else so that he doesn't stick to his guns: "You won't get a toy, but you can choose the cookies for the snack. He'll quickly get busy with his new mission and forget about his tantrum!
In short, getting angry or yelling is not helpful. Because, the child's brain is not yet able to understand certain reactions such as anger when he has, in his eyes, just asked for something.
We communicate and explain things clearly
Communication is the decisive weapon against tantrums. When a child throws a tantrum, the easiest thing to do is to explain clearly why you can't comply with his request. Indeed, in a tantrum situation, a no is not enough. You have to firmly explain to him that he will not get his way, because "buying a toy, is not on the shopping list." "That he has to go to bed, because mom or dad said it's time. And that if he doesn't, he won't be in shape to be the best at school the next day." When told "no," the child needs to assimilate, above all, that he can't have everything he wants when he wants it. In particular, he needs to understand firmly that he is not in charge.
We bypass the child's whim by creating a diversion
Diversion is, without a doubt, the most effective technique for keeping a child from becoming tense. Diverting their attention to another quest will quickly keep them occupied and away from the source of their torment.
After having calmly explained to him why you said "no", you can bypass the whim by assigning him a mission or simply talking to him about something else. Yes, a child's attention can quickly be diverted if you put the right subjects on the table! For example, you can talk about yourself at his age. Children love to hear stories about their parents when they were in the same situation as them. "You know, when I was your age, I wanted to ... too, but Grandpa told me I'd be punished if I didn't keep quiet..." You can also ask him a question that is unrelated, but will spark his curiosity. He'll then launch into a great thought process to find the answer and impress you!
If the tantrum is at home, because of the TV or other screens, which is very common, offer the child more fun and playful activities instead. They certainly won't mind new adventures!
Don't forget to set an example to better manage a child's tantrums in the future
You are not taught anything, the child's first examples are his parents. He learns from you, from the way you speak, react and behave. And, leading by example, is the best way to avoid tantrums in the future. At least, make sure that they are manageable and not excessive. To do this and at every moment in his presence, you must avoid shouting, getting angry or grumbling in front of a child. Whether it is with an unpleasant waiter, at the post office or others, you should always try to keep calm when he is around. Because your behavior will often justify your child's behavior later on.
